Making my kid cry...

I had an interesting parenting moment this evening. Moose got a nice sliver in his toe the other day. I'm not entirely sure where he got it from. I have one possibility. Anyway, it went deep and was a good size. I gave it a check squeeze to see if it would slide out easily, and decided to leave it be for a while to see if it naturally pushed out a bit. I didn't want to torture my kid just because I have OCD about these kinds of things.

I went to check it tonight before bed and it hadn't moved at all. I was slightly concerned. I didn't want the skin to regrow over it, you know? So I tried working on it a bit. I could feel the very end and thought I could work it out.

Long story short, I got it out. However, I had to squeeze his little toe really hard. Twice. The second time, I knew he was going to scream and cry. I also knew that if I did it, the sliver would come out and his toe could heal. I chose to squeeze.

It was not an easy decision to make my brave little Moose cry like that. He has a pretty high pain tolerance, we've noticed in his 3 1/2 years. Considering what I did to him, he was extremely brave. He still screamed pretty good, had a small cry, calmed down pretty easily. (Although the entire time he was bribed with some sweetheart candies from V-day, a flashlight to play with, and a movie got put in the TV near the end.)

In the end, I had to stop and take a quick second for a parenting reflection. I did not enjoy making Moose cry. Not one bit. I've got that mothering gene that hates when your kids cry in pain. (I don't care if they cry in anger, boredom, or those sorts of things. But pain, I don't handle well.) But I knew that if I didn't get that sliver out, it could be worse for him in the end. So I made him cry, squeezed that big thing out, and got it over with.

Lesson for today: Sometimes I'm going to have to make my kids cry. But as long as I'm making my decisions with a clear head, not using my emotions to guide me, I think I'll be able to handle it. I hope so, anyway.

Milestones...

Twice over. Every milestone your first kid reaches is picture/phone call worthy. They're all so exciting. Now that I'm doing it the second time, it's still just as exciting, but it's a whole other experience.

First off, Monkey is like half the size Moose was at the same age. He didn't walk til he was 15 months, she walked at 11. It's so hard not to compare your kids. And it's not entirely all bad, I think. As long as you're not weighing one over the other.

As Monkey is almost turning 1, I'm realizing that she's not a baby anymore. She still looks so small to me, and everytime I pick her up I'm amazed at how light she is. (She's not a total lightweight. She weighs 20 lbs. Moose was just like 25-30 by now. I'm not really sure, but I didn't carry him if I could've avoided it back then.) Still, I can see how much she's understanding and how much she's really aware of and sometimes it astounds me.

We're starting to emphasize sign language with her. Moose learned it shortly after he turned 1 and it was really such a great tool. It helped so much. She's being a bit fiesty about it. But the understanding is there, and I'm sure it won't be long before she's signing for more, milk, all done, etc. It's hard to believe she's almost 1.

This year with her has gone by way faster than Moose's first year. I'm sure part of that is that I have Moose here to keep things moving. I'm sure it's also because I know more what I'm doing, so things run a bit smoother around here.

I'm excited for her to turn 1, but at the same time it feels weird that my baby isn't a baby anymore.

I'm exhausted. Tonight was my night out (a real essential for moms to have. However often, you need one!) and I play volleyball. My feet are aching and I have 80's songs running through my head. I hope I can go to sleep. I'll be good and post tomorrow.

She's alive...

So it seems that Monkey is one the mend. Finally! Her hives are almost gone, as are most of her other symptoms. She only coughs occasionally now. It's not like this illness was interrupting her sleeping. That would've been a serious problem. But still, it's nice to see kids perk up when they're finally on the up swing. Today was the first day in over a week she didn't cry when the hubs left for work. Even Moose said, "She didn't cry when Papa went to work!" It was becoming quite the trend.

Not much remarkable happened today. But there were enough small moments to make it a great day. Making a sea anemone with Moose using playdoh and my garlic press, sitting on the kitchen floor, with Monkey in my lap, pretend feeding myself and her with a (clean and sterilized) bubble wand and empty bowl, watching part of Toy Story 2 with Moose while he snacks on carrots before bed. As I was sitting on the floor with Monkey, pretending to eat something with a bubble wand, I couldn't help but just laughing. It was such a sweet, tender moment. As I looked around, I saw all the legos and blocks on the floor. It reminded me of something I've thought before.

Whenever someone asks me, "How do you have time for that?" "How do you do all that with two kids, and a husband?" I always think to myself, my house isn't always clean, I don't always get time to do myself up each day, there are a lot of things that might be daily necessities for other people, that for me get passed over. I don't mind. The things that are "misses" in my daily life, are not nearly as important as the "hits" that I get. I spend tons of quality time with my kids. I try to play with them (sometimes it gets a bit boring for an adult, but I do try.), I keep them as busy as I can. Each day I try to make them laugh, and smile. Meals are not always elaborate (although I do try to keep them healthy and balanced.) and the counters are not always clean. Nor are the toys always put away. But the important things stay important. And we're happy.

My kid's gonna be...

The other day I had a really neat conversation with my sister. She's got two sweet boys, ages 4 and 2. We were chatting about them, getting the updates (we live a few states away) and she had an interesting thing to say. Her two boys are complete opposites. She shared a thought (which I've had before and completely agree with) that she realized she has to embrace the people they are, and not try and get them to do things they don't enjoy. Her oldest is not athletic. At all. He likes to sing and dance. He's kinda shy. Her youngest is a big rough and tumble type, who loves puzzles and solving spatial types of equations. She's learning to encourage their natural tendencies and just embrace who they are. That is so awesome. What a good thing to do.

Like I said, I've had similar thoughts, and think it's such an awesome way to parent. But it really made me stop and think (as she talked to me about this), am I really parenting that way, or am I still forcing my gems (mainly Moose, since Monkey's a bit small for anything really) to do things that they don't really enjoy. I came to the conclusion that I don't think I am. But I think it was still good for me to stop and reflect. It's so easy to get into a routine, or habit, or flow with your kids that you might not really be paying attention to what you're doing. Not in a really introspective sort of way. It was good for me to stop and think, "Am I forcing Moose into activities he doesn't like, or am I not encouraging him in things he really enjoys?"

For now, he just likes to crash, run, tumble, wrestle, play the computer, and watch movies. But I'm sure as he gets a bit older (and as it gets warmer) he will let it be known that he has preferences for certain activities, games, sports, social encounters, etc. I always want to be aware of what he really enjoys so I can encourage him in that, know what he's not comfortable with so I can gently urge him to experience things slowly, in a way that he can handle, without forcing him into things that make him uncomfortable. Overall, it's just good to be aware of what you're doing with your kids, and to make sure you are looking at them as people, with likes, dislikes, etc.

Funny parenting moment for the day: Little monkey is still recovering from whatever cold/cough she's had for over a week now. The last few days she's had red, splotchy bumps that have been coming and going. We've not really been able to figure it out. So finally, today, my hubs went to google and looked it all up. We determined she most likely has hives. We think it's most likely related to the illness she's been battling with, and since they're not bothering her in any way, expect them to go away with the rest of her symptoms. (While always being mindful and cautious, of course.) The funny part of all of this was, my hubs says, "What did parents do before google?" All I could think was, "They bugged their parents." I'm sure that's true. We still do bug ours from time to time, but it sure is nice to have some instant information available. (Taken into account that you have to sift through it for what's actually valuable and pertinent. Nonetheless, a wonderful cache of information at your fingertips.)

While the cat's away...

I thought that mice would play, but apparently they put themselves to bed.

This weekend, the hubs has been home as usual. Monkey has continued to be overly attached to him, grimacing if I even offer to hold her. (Sorry hubs, you get to make your breakfast with her in your arms. I tried.) Today, usually fantastic when the ingredients of Sunday and Sunshine combine has been a bit rough since yours truly is still sick. Even worse today than I have been all week, if that's possible. So after our Sunday church meetings, we came home and had lunch. Then I went to bed. This is what I awoke to.

Moose put himself to bed. (What?!? You say. I know. Me too.)

The hubs was holding Monkey who was promptly falling asleep on him. (I know. Whatever.) So he told Moose, go put yourself to bed. He heard him read a book to himself and then not a sound after that. I couldn't help but go peak in. He was tucked in under his sheets, sleeping with his "babies". (a small bean bag dog from JoAnns that a stranger bought him. A nice gesture from an older lady. And his binky, a small yellow blanket with a duck head on it.)

So apparently, I'm not the cat I supposed I was. Or maybe my hubs is really the pied piper.

Change, change, change...

That is one thing that will always be certain in parenting. Expect changes. It's always when you start thinking, "Man, we're going so good. The kids are napping great, we've got such a great flow. Things are all working great." And the next day, things start changing.

That's what I'm going through with the gems, I think. Monkey is almost 1. That's when Moose changed from 2 naps to 1. Moose is 3 1/2. If he doesn't get enough energy out, he has a really hard time napping. Especially if Monkey isn't very quiet. (which happens quite frequently. Today she babbled and played for 1 hour before falling asleep. Although that is unheard of, it happened. You never know.)

So then we approach the, what-do-we-do-different-what-do-we-dare-change, game. Oh, if you haven't played it, it's a fun game. (can you feel the sarcasm there?) I think we're getting a bit better at it. We know now to only implement one new thing at a time. That way, we know what is making the difference. Like babies and new foods. You only introduce one at a time so if they have an allergic reaction, you know which one to blame. If you implement too many changes to a structure or routine, you never really know which change actually helped, if not all.

So we're contemplating changing the routines, changing our habits. First off, is letting Monkey go to bed when she's ready (about 7) and letting Moose stay up a little bit later. Not much, an hour at most. (Today's a Friday too, so that helps us feel flexible.) Next will be to help him get his energy out. This week wasn't very helpful since I was sick most of the week and trying to take it easy. Then with some rainy weather, hubs took the car to work. (He normally bikes, bless his healthy heart.) So we were house bound. But weather and health permitting, we'll try and use up more energy. Then maybe nap-time and bed-time will be a bit less stressful around here. Tune in to find out!

Silly kid stuff: Kids are pretty funny when they're around Monkey's age (1 year). She changes her parent-preference more than we change her diaper. (And we do change it very regularly.)  In the morning, she will want the hubs, and only him. Then later on, she'll be only too happy with me. Then around dinner, it's back to the hubs. But when it's time for bed, if he does it she'll scream for 30 minutes. They are so fickle. I learned from my sister when she had her first baby (7 years ago) that you can't take it personally. It's just one of those things they do. Today, Monkey was doing her usual back and forth. She cries when hubs leaves for work, is so giddy when he gets back. Shortly after he came home today, he was holding her, and was standing near me. She looked at me, and put her arms as far around him as she could, and grabbed his shirt with her little fists, pulling herself as close as she could. It was the cutest thing I think I've ever seen.

I suppose we should enjoy it while we can, because when she's a teenager, she'll most likely be pushing us both away more often than not. Ahh, parenting.

Why I love my husband...

To pre-empt this post, I again give a huge cookie (the ultimate reward) to anyone who parents alone.

Today was a decent day with me and kids. I tried my bestest to not be sick (although I still allowed myself to take a nap with Monkey in the morning to stave off the coughs.) Moose and I did "school" and had a decent day. However, then naptime came. Moose has now gone two days without a nap. Today was a no-compromise day. Nap was happening. However, to my utter surprise and dismay, Moose's nap DID NOT happen. I know some kids his age already go without. However, my kid does. I've recently thought about toning them down. Maybe letting him stay up once or twice a week. But I know my kid and know that he can't handle that many days in a row without one. He gets to be one grouchy piece of work. Anyway, by the time the hubs came home, I was one semi-unhappy camper. (I made him sit on the couch for like 1 hour until he came home. He was not happy about being stuck on the couch. But it was that or bed. He told me he didn't like either. Oh well.)

Now, the hubs was already going to run a grocery run tonight because we were in dire need and I'm the sickie in the house. But did he stop there? No. Not only did he do the grocery run, with the new WIC checks (that are great since they now include things like fresh fruit, and don't overload you on milk, but they do take significantly more time), but he took not one, but two kids! He strapped Monkey to his chest with the Baby Bjorn, and made Moose sit in the grocery cart (no, not in the big part, but in the little seat. I wish I could've seen it. Moose is not a dainty 3 1/2 year old.) I was able to take a relaxing shower, make dinner in a quiet house with music playing, do dishes, clean and set the table, as well as peruse facebook. It was awesome. I love my hubs!

I know that everyone thinks their spouse is the best in the world. I don't doubt that it's true. I guess what I can say is that mine is the best in the world for me. I am grateful every single day for him and couldn't imagine each one without him.

So today's parenting tip is: Be grateful for the support you have. If it's a spouse, parent, in-law, sibling, partner, significant other, neighbor, grandparent, adopted family member, whatever. Tell them thank you. Tell them how much you appreciate them.

And then the next time you really need help: Ask for it. (People are so much more willing to help when they feel appreciated and recognized.) There's so much wisdom in the saying "It takes a village to raise a child." It's a tough job. Sure, people do it alone all the time, but I don't think a single one of those people wants to do it alone. Don't ever be ashamed or afraid to ask for help. Ever. Parenting is hard, kids are unrational and somewhat selfish little beings (it's only nature. They'll learn as they get older.) Asking for help might be hard, but it might be the best thing you can do. For you and your kids.

Here's to you hubs. <3

Sick Days...

I was recently talking with some other women about sick days. They all work at an Elementary School and have "sick days" to take off work. You know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I said "Moms need sick days." I knew I was coming down with something at the time, but it really hit me like a ton of bricks the next two days. Today was my sick day. At first I thought, although I don't get sick days, at least I can keep my pajamas on if I want to. However, after just finishing my first real sick day in a while, I have decided I hate being sick. I've never been one of those people who gets sick of being sick. My hubs totally is. However, after today I have officially changed sides. Today was one of those days you don't picture when you first plan having kids.

When the kids are up, you have to be up, whether or not you're ready. You then have to stay awake while they are, or if you're lucky like me, you take a nap with the little one, while the older one watches Blues Clues episodes in succession on Netflix Instant Watch. Then you continue to plunk your way through the day, avoiding as much playing as possible, wanting desperately to veg on the couch. (Which I might have done, but we only get 2 tv channels. And neither of them have anything worth watching during the morning or afternoon anyway.) So what you end up doing is putting half your effort into taking care of your kids and half your effort into vegging out because your sick. It's so frustrating to not put your full effort into one or the other. Fortunately, after my hubs came home and we had dinner, he let me veg out on the bed with our portable DVD player and the one chicky-flic we own. (A decent one, but pretty old. Although I do enjoy a young Jude Law. However, if we had a laptop with wifi, I would've been watching "Penelope" on Netflix instant watch.)

So I've determined to not be sick anyway. If I can't put all my efforts into vegging out and being sick, I'm just not going to be sick anymore. We'll see how that goes.

A little effort...

In the past few weeks, I've started doing "school" with Moose every morning (although we've started taking a day off once a week.) Anyhow, I started doing it because he was always spinning his wheels and bugging me to do things with him, and not entertaining himself at all. So now we have some structured time and he enjoys his non-structured time a little bit better.

The past two days I've gotten a bit sick. But I am so afraid to skip a day because I don't want to ruin the good thing we have going. I woke up the worst so far this morning, but was still determined to do school. Before we started school, if I needed it for whatever reason, I would nap with Monkey during her morning nap and let Moose watch a movie. It's great that I can do that if I need to, but I didn't want to today. That's a pretty big deal for me. I'm a pretty much a lazy gal. Self-interested, looking out for number 1. Not completely, but when it comes to sleep and avoiding wrestling with Moose, I'm pretty lazy.

So today I was determined. I managed to get a shower in with both kids awake and playing in the living room (a first!). Then we did school, got Monkey to bed, and activities were done with her still sleeping. So I let Moose have some computer time (He amazes me. He works the favorites bar where he has his own folder of child-appropriate game sites. He completely surfs Playhouse Disney, and PBS Kids all by himself. So neat.) and went to lay down on my bed with the baby monitor until Monkey woke up. I didn't expect much, since she had been in bed for just over an hour. I didn't even think I'd fall asleep. Amazingly, I did. It felt like a nice nap. It was only 30 minutes at most. But I felt so refreshed. It was great.

The rest of the day remained slightly stressful as the hubs had to stay late to prepare for a observation at work, and we had to run to the store since our food is running extremely low (and you just can't run out of milk. It's wrong.) However, I am extremely pleased with what I accomplished even though I feel kinda icky.

Glory: Playing with Monkey on my bed. It was really precious. She's been pretty sicky lately and has a nasty cough. But she's still perky and a trooper most of the time. She's been a bit clingy to me today (somewhat unusual) and wanted to be wherever I was. So we played on my bed a bit. It was really sweet.

Silly Kid Moment: Moose loves the song "You are my Sunshine". He occasionally changes the lyrics to express his mood. I believe I mentioned one last week or so. Anyhow, he did it again today. We're driving home from Hubs' work and Monkey had pretty much lost it. She wanted cuddling and wanted it now. So we start singing. It always calmed her down when she was little, and actually still works if she's not gone off the deep end yet. So they started singing you are my sunshine. Here's what Moose sang: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Please stop crying, cause I'm getting a little bit mad."

Give and take...

So, I'm a big believer in napping. Moose naps and he's 3 1/2. And when he does nap, it's always 2 hours minimum, frequently 3 hours. That's how we know he still needs it. Granted, he wakes up at 6, but he also goes to bed at 7. So we give and take. Me and hubs go to bed pretty early ourselves, so it fits our lifestyle.  Despite all this, Moose sometimes doesn't want to nap. Or Monkey coughs so much during the beginning naptime that he can't fall asleep. Today was one of these days.

After a short while of hearing Monkey cough and hoping Moose was asleep before it started (the kid could sleep through a tornado), Moose did come out of his room. Instead of fighting him about his nap (when I do make him nap, he will eventually sleep, but at a major emotional cost to both of us. I'm deciding it's just not worth that much emotional energy) I decided to compromise. Kind of. I let him stay awake. But he was not allowed to play on the computer, watch shows (which for us means movies or dvd episodes), be loud, ask me to play with him, or bother me in any way since it was my ME time to get things done. I must say that it went quite well. He eventually wanted to hang around me and constantly ask me what I was doing, etc. But it ended up working out really well. I've hesitated to do this because he's not very good at playing independently anymore. He's to this weird stage where he doesn't like playing with his toys very much. He only likes to crash things. Crash his cars, crash his train tracks, crash his blocks. That gets old pretty fast. So his playtime has become a bit frustrating. But for a good hour (I might be overestimating) he played with his cars. Something he used to do easily for hours on end when he was younger, but hasn't done since his sister was born last April and we took it upon ourselves to travel, move, and move again.

Good lesson today: the occasional compromise might end up being not-so-bad.

Glory moment: We went on a walk with my mother-in-law this afternoon. On the way back, we were talking about some of the things I do with Moose in "school" each morning. Last month we memorized a scripture from John (3:16). He usually repeated after me, but the last week we said it together. I'd heard him randomly (often on the toilet) say a line all on his own. I asked him if he could say it for her, and he said the entire thing. (a decent sized sentence.) I was so excited. I know Moose is a smart little guy, but it was so exciting to hear him recite something like that.

Not so glory moment: Moose doing something behind my back to make his sister cry, and then staring at me while she cries and not saying he's sorry, or asking her if she's okay, or offering to make it better. It seems like such a little thing, a little complaint from the mother. But it's so annoying. And becoming a somewhat regular problem. One day it was him pushing/knocking her over and then turning around and walking away as she cried (that one I saw). So our new talk is: "No, it's not okay to make someone cry and walk away." It's the little lessons in life...