Happy Birthday Mama...

Okay, my child has yet to say that to me. Today isn't really my birthday either. It's technically in 2 years. (Technicalities of being born on leap year.) Anyway, today we celebrated my birthday with the fam. As part of our relaxing and whatnot, we watched some old videos the in-laws had. There were some with my little Moose when we first moved near the hub's family. He was only 1 at the time. It was so strange to see him and how little he was (while still being absolutely gigantic for a 1 year old. Hence the nickname Moose.) Despite the fact that I have a 10 month old baby girl, it still made me crave a baby boy. Not really. But it made me nostalgic anyway.

A good friend of mine is pregnant with her first baby. What advice do I have for her? Holy cow. Books worth. How much of it will she remember and be able to use? Maybe a handful. And most of it, as hard as you try, you can't really apply because when you're in the throws of your first pregnancy, first delivery, first child, you HAVE to learn that stuff for yourself. No amount of book read or advice can do it for you. Especially since there's no way to know what the temperament of your child will be. I suppose there's a good start as far as advice goes.

Here's my experience:

I assumed my first child would be really mellow. My husband and I are pretty mellow. I wasn't as a youth, but as an adult, I'm pretty darn chill. We keep to ourselves, we are people pleasers, we avoid struggle, we are neutral types. So we assumed, our little boy would be a real laid back kid. WRONG. I still think it's a combination of being completely unsure of what to do, mixed with a tiny apartment, being in a new area with only one lifeline (bless my sister's heart for always carting us over to her house) and only one car which the hubs used for work, etc, etc. Moose was quite the monstrous boy. It took us 4 months to find the real happy kid in him. We also happened to move in with my parents at that point. Anyway, he was not the best napper, a love/hate sleeper (he'd do like 5-7 hours, then be up every hour on the hour after that) nursing was a total bust (a whole other post right there) and I was a really, super, frazzled first time mom. (In defense of little Moose, he was the best 2 year old I could have asked for. SUPERB.)

Switch to baby #2. Little monkey was a dream baby. She slept constantly. (Moose was an unusually alert baby and did NOT sleep all the time like other newborns I've known.) I was determined to make nursing work out, it did. I was determined to have a good birthing experience (Moose was an emergency C-section. Horrible experience. Like 2 other posts.), and I did. Again, to defend Moose, he was an amazing big bro, never jealous, totally not surprised by her or her birth, or any of that. (Granted, he was 3 months shy of 3)  Monkey was the mellow baby we thought we would have the first time. (But good thing she was, because now the hubs is actually willing to have more. Had we had another Moose-baby, we might've been done at 2.)

Anyway, the point of those random comparisons is that you have no idea what your baby will be like, so preparing is like stabbing in the dark. So in the end, you have to prepare for anything, which can give you a real overload of information.

So, my advice for all this? Find a few trusted book sources, a few parents you think are doing an okay job and you would ask questions on parenting and stick with that. Definitely research and try to have a full tool belt, but there's only so much you can do. With a first pregnancy, it's a one-in-a-lifetime experience. There's no way to sidestep the anxiety, excitement, worry, uncertainty and all that comes with it. Just know that if you choose to have more, those pregnancies will be completely different. (And in my case, the second was much less stressful and was more worry-free. It's one of those things where once you've been there once, hindsight is SO much clearer and it's just a lot easier.)

I don't know how helpful any of this is (like I've mentioned before, sometimes I don't think I'm any good for giving advice.) But like a stubborn little mule, I'm going to keep trying anyway. It's just one of those unexpected characteristics I was born with that my parents had no say in.  Don't worry, your kids will all have them too.